Hang In There Mama, We Hear You!
A Mother's Day message of solidarity from one mother to all the others out there, "You are doing fine, you are enough"
A one-month old mama (has been a mother for one month):
Still in the throes of the painful after-effects of childbirth, disappointed that her belly wasn’t all baby and water, like she originally thought, overwhelmed with the difficulty, nay sheer impossibility, of what seemed like an easy undertaking (breastfeeding), and the constant lack of sleep, and non-stop crying of her baby, she says to herself:
I’m not a good mom!
I can’t even understand my own child!
A two-year old mama:
With the wails of a screaming toddler in his first day at daycare still ringing in her ears, she feels sad and angry with herself.
She says to herself:
I am a weak mom!
I can’t even soothe his pain and sadness!
Why couldn’t I keep him a little longer with me? I see other women doing it.
A four-year old mama:
First child goes to school and she wonders, where have the years gone? Is he really going into that bus all by himself? Did I love him enough? Taught him enough to be able to face the world without me by his side? Can I take him back? Can I say I’m sorry? Can I make up for all the those days that I shouted like a crazy woman? In his school play mama missed his solo singing performance because her new bundle of joy (his baby sister) wasn’t really joyful. Would he forgive me for missing his solo? But we rehearsed this so many times! Will those sad eyes ever love me again?
She says to herself:
I can’t be a mama of two!
I couldn’t even hear his solo singing; or get his sister to stop crying!
A 6-year old mama:
Okay, so my second one now is finally in day care. Will I ever be able to find a job after all those years of doing a series of menial, brainless tasks: changing diapers, giving showers, treating allergies, attending soccer practice, making Easter chocolate eggs etc? Then opportunity comes her way and she grabs it with both hands. Happy and excited we see her for few weeks. Then she realizes she doesn’t have clean clothes, couldn’t make it to sports day at school, has been feeding her kids junk food, not to mention she’s been so anxious and stressed lately. She asks herself, “What have I done to myself? What have I done to them?” She hears her brain answer, “But what about you? You want a career too, right?” Her heart shuts those thoughts off by replying “But the kids, they are a priority remember? They are still young, they need you.”
She says to herself:
I can’t do the working mom thing!
I can’t even reach the nursery on time once!
An 8-year old mama:
With so much at stake, she thinks, “I’ve totally ignored myself. I hate my body and I’m already getting wrinkles. I regret those years when I should have been taking more care of myself but preferred to give my aching body 5 more minutes of sleep rather than apply some skin-saving cream and take my vitamins. My marriage is a mess. Where has the love gone? The 8 & 4 year-old are driving me crazy. From soccer to ballet to a million other things that I can’t keep track of. Washing machines in dry cleaners have better schedules. At least, they get a day off. I’m always on the go.”
She says to herself:
“I can’t do this anymore! I’m so messed up and can’t even find time for therapy!”
Well mamas, we hear you. We know all about guilt. It’s a killer. You had dreams to do more with your life; Now you’re always wishing you could go back in time to the good old days; You promised yourself you would have them pray every day and teach them the flute; you thought your kids won’t fight so hard or throw supermarket tantrums.
Well here is a message for you mama:
You are fine.
You are okay
Enough
Strong
The best version of you.
You are the world to them.
Rest this weary head of yours on your pillow today, relax, embrace the weakness and make friends with the restlessness. For vulnerability, overwhelmingly busy schedules, and loads of love will be our companions on this insane journey called MOTHERHOOD!
Happy mother’s day all year round, because we all know it is not just one day!
A messed up, exhausted, frazzled mom,
Mariam
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